I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
