you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
His nipple licking is glorious
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