friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
