i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize