Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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