dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
