office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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