We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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