Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
