I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
