I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
