So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
