I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
soo... how was my night?
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