the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
