WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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