Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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