I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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