he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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