i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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