I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
