Michael Bay diarrhea
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
