im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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