Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
