I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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