I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
