I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
my poor anus
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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