please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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