That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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