Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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