My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
