I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
