remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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