All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
