I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize