i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
