i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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