It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
