I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
