I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
