I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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