all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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