We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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