..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
