His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
