I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize