And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
