Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
