there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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