There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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