She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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