I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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