I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
