I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
