i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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