if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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