Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
