He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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