In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
