He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
