Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
