Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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