There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
