the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize