Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
