i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
