When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
