he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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